A Mix of First Date & Preggers

Tomorrow we meet. Tomorrow I’m greeted with “the place”.  The place I’ll settle. The place in which I’ll try my darndest to build something for myself.  It’s quite emotional really. My stomach is in knots. I’m excited, nervous and anxious.  This is the first time I’m seeing  it or “her” I should say.  She will be completely done, the way I picked out. To be honest, the build up feels like a first date you’ve been waiting forever for. You want to like it but let's get real, it has no choice but to love you.  I have no clue how I’m going to make it through the morning at work. It will be difficult to say the least.

Lately this is all I’ve been talking about. The place. Coworkers, friends, family they’re all asking me when the big move is.  Asking me if I’m excited, if I’m looking forward to the move and counting down the days with me.  It’s nuts, this is what pregnant people must feel like. For all intensive purposes, I have sorta been nurturing the new place in the whom.  Watching it grow and develop including getting prepared by buying things for it and stocking up. She’s gonna be beautiful. She’s a product of her mama after all, she can’t go wrong. This can’t go wrong. 

Over the course of the summer I’ve had to go to the storage unit to retrieve things and put some new things in there. People always say that things are just things, and you really have no idea how true that is until 5 years of your life and “home” is packed into storage unit. It really is merely JUST things. Yes these things have memories and in some cases you worked hard for them but it’s just things at the end of the day and in most circumstances they can all be replaced. People truly value things too much in this day and age (including myself).  People are the things that can’t be replaced, things can be.

So tomorrow when we meet, i'll promise to love her, take care of her and fill her with love and memories.

I’ll leave it at that for now, as I hope to post and update tomorrow after we meet and fall in love. It really is like a love story.

-J-

Be Home Soon

Last week I was on holidays at the cottage. The cottage is and always has been a place of fun, relaxation, healing and rejuvenation. It was nice to be able to take some time off with a friend and have some lovelies join us for parts of the week as well. It’s kind of what I needed before the hectic craziness of moving starts to creep in. The day is getting closer and closer and I’m starting to freak out a bit. OK freak out A LOT.

First off, I CAN NOT even comprehend where the time has gone. Time has always been strange to me. Everything about time really. Things that seem like big deals in the moment, really aren’t big deals at all when looking back. In the moment you think it’s not going to work out and you get yourself all worked up about whatever is going on and 9 months later is really isn’t a big deal after all. I suppose everything really is eventual.

e·ven·tu·al [ih-ven-choo-uhl] adjective

1. happening at some indefinite future time or after a series of occurrences.
2. depending upon uncertain events; contingent.

Roughly ¾’s of a year have come and gone since the beginning of January when I put my old house on the market and shed that part of my life to where I currently sit now being a mere 20 days out from getting the keys to the new place. Where has time gone? More importantly other than sitting around and wishing the time by, what have I accomplished? Well yes, I found a place to live and bought some furniture, but that’s about it. I hoped and wished the time to go by fast, and I think I got my wish. It’s the only summer I’ve really wanted to go fast. 

Now a new set of stresses are setting in. I’m freaking out about finances. Will I have enough money to live comfortably? Will I have enough savings to cover all the legal fees and extra things that seem to be popping up? Will I have enough money to furnish and decorate the way I want? These worries seems crazy but the fact is I’m totally alone if I financially fall on my face. That is not a good feeling. I have no one to supplement the household income (like in the past), I have no one to make sure all the things of owning a home get taken care of… it’s all me. Crazy scary. If I force myself to look at the glass half full, I guess I am sorta blessed to be able to embark on this new chapter of my life and learn some more valuable life skills and independence.

I’m such a strange creature (I’m sure lots of people I know would agree with this statement). Sometimes I can’t figure myself out.  I stress about the new shifts in my life as they are approaching or in full swing, and then when I’m in the waiting period leading up to the new shifts I want them to hurry up, just to start stressing all over again. What the heck is with this trend? Surely I’m not the only strange creature out there. Strange creature needs to meet calm creature very soon or I’m gonna need some kind of prescription.

The last time I moved into a new home, I was in such a different place then right now, which I’m sure is part of the stress that’s sneaking up on me.

Last time I moved …

…I was in love.

…I was dependant on someone.

…I was very young and inexperienced.

…I was hopeful.

…I was naive.

This time around …

…I’m a little tainted

…I’m independent

…I’m 6 more years wiser

…I’m a lot more cautious

…I’m a lot more cynical

The part I’m most scared of after I move in is the “WHAT’S NEXT” feeling. I’ve been chasing this “WHAT’S NEXT” feeling my whole life. After I unpack the boxes, paint, furnish, decorate and make it the way I want (which by the way, won’t take me very long) what will I do next? After all the projects are complete, what will the next projects in my life be? Not career wise, not photography wise, but what comes next? Live life? …. But how? How does that look like for me living on my own? I’m really not sure I can begin to start to answer my own questions. What I’m certain it will be, is a journey. I can only hope it’s a good one with a nice ride along the way, some pretty scenery and some company wouldn’t hurt either.

-J-

What You Shouldn't Do on the Beach

This week I've been on holidays at the cottage enjoying the beach and getting a little sun kissed. The weather has been perfect and so far I couldn't ask for better. While at the beach it's come to my attention that there needs to be come sort of beach etiquette. I'm sure I'm not the only one who notices these ungodly behaviours on the beach, so I've decided to make a list of all the things that really shouldn't be done at the beach.

Top 10 Things You Shouldn't Do on The Beach(These are more or less my pet peeves)

1. People who have no concept of personal space. Seriously there's a whole beach, why must you decide to invade my space and park your towel so close to mine? Seriously people! Find your own patch of good sand.

2. Sometimes BIGGER is NOT BETTER. families on the beach who feel the need to over compensate and bring the world's largest rubber dingy blow up toys ....... Come on people is it really that necessary? What happened to the little two seater blow up boats? Apparently everyone is buying their beach toys at Costco these days.

3. String bikinis and banana hammocks. Enough said. They need to be banished. In fact I sincerely think that there needs to be a license to wear scandals swim wear and attire. You need to pass some sort of body criteria otherwise you should be fined. It's  gross and the public DOES NOT need to see rolls of cottage cheese. Wear something appropriate for your body type. After all, this a family affair and my eyes are sensitive!

 

4. Since when did the beach become a camp ground? Why must people bring their camping tents and shelters to the beach and block the view? It's a hideous sight to say the least. I might be just going a bit over board here but if you need shade people, use a beach umbrella. That makes more sense to me. Use several if you have to. The worst is when you find your little piece of sandy heaven, unload your things, get set-up and in relax mode when the Gosh dang family reunion comes along and parks themselves directly in front of you. The view is ruined. Not cool.

5. If your going to throw the football, frisbee or anything for that matter that flies through the air please do so at the back of the beach where no one is around you. Getting a frisbee chucked at your back or head is really a pain. Literally. Let's have some respect.

6. The beach is not your backyard, so please don't litter. That's what garbage cans are for, let's not be lazy bastards. Spotting dirty band aids and cigarette buts makes me wanna throw up. Did you know that cigarette buts can take up to 10 years to biodegrade? That's 10 years of kids, and people playing the sand where they have to dig up evidence of your disgusting habit. *puke*

7. Why must people feed the seagulls? Too many times have I witnessed people feeding the birds and then they take off and leave the closest people seating around them with a flock of bids hovering over. Personally, I would prefer to to not have to sit on the beach with my towel of my head in fear of getting shit on. Seagulls are not meant to eat potato chips and french fries, that's why they are way too over sized these days.

8. Listen parents, please keep your kids under wraps.  Just because they are little doesn't mean you shouldn't teach them to not throw sand. Getting a mouth full of dirty sand whipped at your face is definitely not fun. Also, to those people who like to shake out their towels right in front of you, before you get the urge it might be considerate to think about which way the wind is blowing. Sand in the face is not my idea of a vacation. Please go out of the way or down to the water and shake out your sandy towels out. Much appreciated.

 

9. Bush whackers. Please groom yourself before coming to the beach. Bathing suits can be small and I (along with the rest of the beach) don't need to see your pubics crawling out the side of your bathing suit and flapping in the wind. Plain gross.

10. This is more of a tip to save yourself from embarrassment:
*Remember to adjust your bathing suit before coming out and above the water. Waves can be cruel and sometimes body parts can accidentally become exposed. Do the check and adjust, it will save you some weird stares.

 

thank you notes.

A week ago a was inspired to write a random thank you note everyday for a week. (see last entry)

I did just that, but I also turned them into art. Cause that's how I roll. :)

Enjoy taking a peak inside my mind.

 

 -J-

Growing.

What happened this past week…

Well I’m not too sure. I feel like it wen’t by super fast but yet super slow.
I feel like not a lot happened but lots did happen. How can that be? What I do know is that I’m feeling inspired by the little things lately, or at least taking in the little things. I wasn’t really a person in the past that did that much, and I’m not convinced I’m cured quite yet, but I actually can feel myself improving and noticing the little things more.

I’ve set a personal goal to buy my first professional digital SLR camera by the end of the calendar year. I'm going to try to save money to do this, BUT if I have to slap it on credit I WILL DO IT and deal with the consequences after. I can’t keep putting my dream on the back burner. Starting this business or at least getting on track to start this business (I want to take a course before I actually start) is something I NEED to do. It’s something I will regret doing if I don’t do it soon. For so many years I put my own things and personal growth on the back burner when more important things came up like, household bills, saving for a wedding (that never happened), the next piece of furniture I want to buy, take a vacation etc… but I can’t keep doing it anymore. The time is NOW.  PS – a cool acronym for  now is No Opportunity Wasted. No more wasting. 

Over the course of the summer, but in particular this past week, I can feel myself growing, changing… possibly coming more into myself or becoming more OK with myself, it could be one or the other or both for that matter, but either way I can actually feel myself changing. Not in a physical sense but in an emotional well being sense. What is it like to feel yourself changing and growing? For me I think its being more self aware than I’ve been in the past. Aware of how I interact with others. Aware of what I truly value. Aware of taking care of my emotional well being more, cause let’s remember if I don’t then who will? No one. 

I found this description online of what personal grown is…
Personal growth means you are in a process of looking at your life, how you are feeling, what is missing and what can be improved, and you are actively working on improvement through education, new knowledge, increased awareness and specific changes. You are looking at your belief system and making changes in it. You are changing your identity to one that more closely aligns with your natural core self, who you really are, what you are really good at and naturally talented in, and what you really want in life.

Friends who have come to me with their problems or issues or simply to share whats on their mind, whether it’s “Jess what should I do about this dink of a boyfriend”, or “ should I give him another chance?” or “should I do A over B?” I always say the same thing. What you have to do is weigh which option or choice you will regret more. What is it that I will regret more at the end of this very short life we live? As everyone always says, life’s too short to have regrets. Will I regret not doing A more or not doing B more? These are the things I’ve been asking myself lately and how I’m come to the conclusion that I can’t waste an opportunity to start taking my passion of photography and dream of wanting to become a photographer more seriously. Heck I’m still fairly young (although some days I don’t feel it), I don’t have kids to hold me back, I’m fairly healthy and independent WHY NOT?

The other day I was in Chapters. Something happened to me. It’s as if the letters and words were magnetically flying off the pages and sticking to my cluttered little brain and I wanted to soak it all up. In the past I’ve enjoyed being in the magazine section of Chapters or Starbucks lounge area, or looking that the nick nack section. I never really ventured into the REAL books because I knew I wouldn’t find or make the time to read a book and follow through til the end. Essentially I allowed myself to be defeated before even opening the cover. This time was different. I actually wanted to read a book. Nothing to crazy but just a book (no pictures). For some reason this time was different, I KNEW I was going to do it. So I’ve been reading a couple chapters a night before I go to bed, and I'm actually enjoying myself, who would have thought eh? Maybe I’m now a grown-up? Just maybe? Or maybe I’m starting to get over myself? Or could it possibly be that I’ve stoped using myself against myself and allowed myself a chance to prove ME wrong. While in Chapter’s I also found this book of thank you notes called thnx thnx thnx by Leah Dieterich's. A bunch of random thank you notes this woman does everyday. Some are thoughtful, some are quite hilarious. This has me inspired to try to do something similar for shits and giggles. I will attempt this writing exercises everyday for a week. I plan to post them here at the end of the week. Who knows maybe I’ll extend it, but a week seems doable at this point and what I will try to stick with. 

I’ve been finding inspirational quotes in image form that resonate with me as I'm very much a visiual person. Thought I'd share this one.

-J-