Last week I was on holidays at the cottage. The cottage is and always has been a place of fun, relaxation, healing and rejuvenation. It was nice to be able to take some time off with a friend and have some lovelies join us for parts of the week as well. It’s kind of what I needed before the hectic craziness of moving starts to creep in. The day is getting closer and closer and I’m starting to freak out a bit. OK freak out A LOT.
First off, I CAN NOT even comprehend where the time has gone. Time has always been strange to me. Everything about time really. Things that seem like big deals in the moment, really aren’t big deals at all when looking back. In the moment you think it’s not going to work out and you get yourself all worked up about whatever is going on and 9 months later is really isn’t a big deal after all. I suppose everything really is eventual.
e·ven·tu·al [ih-ven-choo-uhl] adjective
1. happening at some indefinite future time or after a series of occurrences.
2. depending upon uncertain events; contingent.
2. depending upon uncertain events; contingent.
Roughly ¾’s of a year have come and gone since the beginning of January when I put my old house on the market and shed that part of my life to where I currently sit now being a mere 20 days out from getting the keys to the new place. Where has time gone? More importantly other than sitting around and wishing the time by, what have I accomplished? Well yes, I found a place to live and bought some furniture, but that’s about it. I hoped and wished the time to go by fast, and I think I got my wish. It’s the only summer I’ve really wanted to go fast.
Now a new set of stresses are setting in. I’m freaking out about finances. Will I have enough money to live comfortably? Will I have enough savings to cover all the legal fees and extra things that seem to be popping up? Will I have enough money to furnish and decorate the way I want? These worries seems crazy but the fact is I’m totally alone if I financially fall on my face. That is not a good feeling. I have no one to supplement the household income (like in the past), I have no one to make sure all the things of owning a home get taken care of… it’s all me. Crazy scary. If I force myself to look at the glass half full, I guess I am sorta blessed to be able to embark on this new chapter of my life and learn some more valuable life skills and independence.
I’m such a strange creature (I’m sure lots of people I know would agree with this statement). Sometimes I can’t figure myself out. I stress about the new shifts in my life as they are approaching or in full swing, and then when I’m in the waiting period leading up to the new shifts I want them to hurry up, just to start stressing all over again. What the heck is with this trend? Surely I’m not the only strange creature out there. Strange creature needs to meet calm creature very soon or I’m gonna need some kind of prescription.
The last time I moved into a new home, I was in such a different place then right now, which I’m sure is part of the stress that’s sneaking up on me.
Last time I moved …
…I was in love.
…I was dependant on someone.
…I was very young and inexperienced.
…I was hopeful.
…I was naive.
This time around …
…I’m a little tainted
…I’m independent
…I’m 6 more years wiser
…I’m a lot more cautious
…I’m a lot more cynical
The part I’m most scared of after I move in is the “WHAT’S NEXT” feeling. I’ve been chasing this “WHAT’S NEXT” feeling my whole life. After I unpack the boxes, paint, furnish, decorate and make it the way I want (which by the way, won’t take me very long) what will I do next? After all the projects are complete, what will the next projects in my life be? Not career wise, not photography wise, but what comes next? Live life? …. But how? How does that look like for me living on my own? I’m really not sure I can begin to start to answer my own questions. What I’m certain it will be, is a journey. I can only hope it’s a good one with a nice ride along the way, some pretty scenery and some company wouldn’t hurt either.
The stress about money is normal I am right there, and I know it is hard, going from a two income home having the security of two great incomes coming in living a different lifestyle, and now with a one income home it is a lifestyle adjustment and change of lifestyle, I know it took me time to adjust to this and become more financially smart and change my lifestyle and things I did now that I was responsible just for myself. Money and the financial side of things is always something that is on my mind and something I worry about, they say you got to live for today, I agree with that but we need to plan for the future, I know some people who say no need to worry about that now, but we don't want to be working when we are in our late 50's we want to be retired and enjoying life, planning for this future today will allow us too and why we must be financially smart today to allow for this future and those who don't will pay for it.
ReplyDeleteLife costs money, we have those unexpected expenses that arise in life, car payments, car repairs, leaking roof, the list can go on and go and we cannot get away from those things it's a part of life, I would say I have become more smart with money and don't spend for the fact of spending, there has been a few incidents in the last couple months and furnishing your new home I know we want it to be perfect and have all those "must haves" and "wants" and I have a couple of those "wants" that I recently bought and three weeks later I ask myself why did I buy one of those things, it wasn't a "need" at the time but the price was right and I feel a part of guilt from this purchase now. I think the money worries are normal and always worrying about having enough money to make a living and live comfortably, I think those things make us very unique and smart/wise people when too many people in today's society are up there head in debt and spend and spend, but just think been smart now will pay off in the future retired at age 55 if not earlier!
Something that has really open my eyes is a comment people say "change is good" moving into your new home is scary, stressful, worrying, but the time has gone by so fast and September is approaching and what a better way to celebrate your birthday moving into your new home, the months you have waited, this was something you picked out yourself, you designed it, you picked out the designs you wanted inside, you get to paint, decorate, accessorize each room in and out showing off your artistic talents you surely have. It will be a new change but very positive change in your life, I can see your zest for life in so many ways, your values, your independence, the strong, unique woman you are, you are truly one of a kind woman in so many ways.
When you ask the question what's next? that is one of those questions that seems hard to answer, it is mind numbing, keeps us wondering, puzzled or something else, I think sometimes not knowing what is coming leaves many surprises to come our way and surely will bring on many great things to come for you :)
This time will be better, because you're going to do EVERYTHING the way YOU want, you're not relying on someone else to do anything, and while money is scary, you will be fine. Money comes. You've Got this covered.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it Zesty!