Growing.

What happened this past week…

Well I’m not too sure. I feel like it wen’t by super fast but yet super slow.
I feel like not a lot happened but lots did happen. How can that be? What I do know is that I’m feeling inspired by the little things lately, or at least taking in the little things. I wasn’t really a person in the past that did that much, and I’m not convinced I’m cured quite yet, but I actually can feel myself improving and noticing the little things more.

I’ve set a personal goal to buy my first professional digital SLR camera by the end of the calendar year. I'm going to try to save money to do this, BUT if I have to slap it on credit I WILL DO IT and deal with the consequences after. I can’t keep putting my dream on the back burner. Starting this business or at least getting on track to start this business (I want to take a course before I actually start) is something I NEED to do. It’s something I will regret doing if I don’t do it soon. For so many years I put my own things and personal growth on the back burner when more important things came up like, household bills, saving for a wedding (that never happened), the next piece of furniture I want to buy, take a vacation etc… but I can’t keep doing it anymore. The time is NOW.  PS – a cool acronym for  now is No Opportunity Wasted. No more wasting. 

Over the course of the summer, but in particular this past week, I can feel myself growing, changing… possibly coming more into myself or becoming more OK with myself, it could be one or the other or both for that matter, but either way I can actually feel myself changing. Not in a physical sense but in an emotional well being sense. What is it like to feel yourself changing and growing? For me I think its being more self aware than I’ve been in the past. Aware of how I interact with others. Aware of what I truly value. Aware of taking care of my emotional well being more, cause let’s remember if I don’t then who will? No one. 

I found this description online of what personal grown is…
Personal growth means you are in a process of looking at your life, how you are feeling, what is missing and what can be improved, and you are actively working on improvement through education, new knowledge, increased awareness and specific changes. You are looking at your belief system and making changes in it. You are changing your identity to one that more closely aligns with your natural core self, who you really are, what you are really good at and naturally talented in, and what you really want in life.

Friends who have come to me with their problems or issues or simply to share whats on their mind, whether it’s “Jess what should I do about this dink of a boyfriend”, or “ should I give him another chance?” or “should I do A over B?” I always say the same thing. What you have to do is weigh which option or choice you will regret more. What is it that I will regret more at the end of this very short life we live? As everyone always says, life’s too short to have regrets. Will I regret not doing A more or not doing B more? These are the things I’ve been asking myself lately and how I’m come to the conclusion that I can’t waste an opportunity to start taking my passion of photography and dream of wanting to become a photographer more seriously. Heck I’m still fairly young (although some days I don’t feel it), I don’t have kids to hold me back, I’m fairly healthy and independent WHY NOT?

The other day I was in Chapters. Something happened to me. It’s as if the letters and words were magnetically flying off the pages and sticking to my cluttered little brain and I wanted to soak it all up. In the past I’ve enjoyed being in the magazine section of Chapters or Starbucks lounge area, or looking that the nick nack section. I never really ventured into the REAL books because I knew I wouldn’t find or make the time to read a book and follow through til the end. Essentially I allowed myself to be defeated before even opening the cover. This time was different. I actually wanted to read a book. Nothing to crazy but just a book (no pictures). For some reason this time was different, I KNEW I was going to do it. So I’ve been reading a couple chapters a night before I go to bed, and I'm actually enjoying myself, who would have thought eh? Maybe I’m now a grown-up? Just maybe? Or maybe I’m starting to get over myself? Or could it possibly be that I’ve stoped using myself against myself and allowed myself a chance to prove ME wrong. While in Chapter’s I also found this book of thank you notes called thnx thnx thnx by Leah Dieterich's. A bunch of random thank you notes this woman does everyday. Some are thoughtful, some are quite hilarious. This has me inspired to try to do something similar for shits and giggles. I will attempt this writing exercises everyday for a week. I plan to post them here at the end of the week. Who knows maybe I’ll extend it, but a week seems doable at this point and what I will try to stick with. 

I’ve been finding inspirational quotes in image form that resonate with me as I'm very much a visiual person. Thought I'd share this one.

-J-