A New Place to Write

Yup it appears as though I’m in Starbucks again. This time it's a brand new location that I can stock and become a regular at. It’s the only place I seem to be able to get away from the boxes and distractions of the new place and it seems as though I've created an expensive little writing environment for myself. The posts seems to be getting fewer and farther between and I’m not liking that one bit.  This past week was my birthday. Yup, it’s officially come and gone and only partially celebrated. I’m super lucky to be surrounded by lots of people who care about me even my coworkers made a big deal, which doesn’t happen for everyone at work, so yes I’m a lucky girl, and yes I like the attention. J 

The other part of my 27^Th Birthday will be celebrated this coming Saturday when I have an open house for friends and family to drop in and see the new place all put together (or mostly put together). After the open house a handful of my close friends and important peeps are staying to go out and tear it up somewhere. Should be a blast and I’m looking forward to it.
The place is coming along nice but maybe not as fast as I'd like. I think what I need to do to keep myself sane is make a list of all the things that I want to do in the near and far future, prioritize and budget for all these new things and projects that I want to do. I can see how it can easily add up in terms of time and money and I find that lists keep me under control SO that’s what I will do or try to anyways.

Yesterday my Mama bought me a new pots and pans set for my house warming present. I can finally buy groceries that require cooking! I’ve been eating sandwiches and cereal for the past week.  After the purchase my moms remarks “ You better not be moving for a long time cause these dam house warming presents..” blah blah blah. LoL. My first housewarming gift was a dinning set table and chairs for my last house so I guess I can sorta see her point. The first meal made was tacos second was a delicious eggs and bacon breakfast this morning which was yummy. Loving the new cookware. Now that I have the pots and pans and all the important things for the kitchen, I feel like I can organize the kitchen cupboards and drawers to my liking and find more permanent homes for things cause right now every drawer seems to be a junk drawer which is driving me around the bend. It’s funny how I organize my brain without even realizing it. I can’t do this until that small thing happens or this specific new thing comes into the house. God forbid I organize everything and then have to change the plan to make room for the new stuff coming in, that would be a nervous breakdown waiting to happen. Maybe not a nervous breakdown but it could seriously throw a day off that’s for dang sure.

Tomorrow is the trip to IKEA. YAY. Me excited. New bed is definitely coming home so long as everything goes according to plan. Cross your fingers. I’m tired of feeling like a college student sleeping on a mattress on the floor. It's time for sophistication again.

More than ever music seems to be keeping me alive these days. I seriously depend on it for a lot more than I give it credit for. I always knew I was a musical person but more than ever I need music for lots of things to get me by. Music without a doubt has certainly replaced TV for me. I’m finding that I don't have the attention span to watch anything these days especially over this past year. Even my favourite shows that I couldn’t live without I can’t be bothered to watch. It’s quite sad really. Or is it? At this current moment  I’m listening to music that I found from a local KW artist (Sam Heaton) last fall around end of November. She was my November/December artist from last year that I played out over and over which was actually quite easy considering she only currently has 3 songs available online. Her voice brings me back to this fresh new start and time in my life and that’s what I associate her voice and music with. I like being brought back to that specific time. I’ve also recently realized a trend with how I listen and use music in my life. I find a new favourite song download it (actually pay for it) and will listen to it for a week nonstop including getting ready in the morning, on the way to work, on the way home, and then by the end of the week I’ve had enough and have usually found another song to consume my life. I’m fairly certain my neighbours have heard me signing at the top of my lungs especially since things still echo a bit in the new place which by the way, I love.  I’m also certain my neighbours have got a glimpse of me on the toilet as well as getting dressed. The need for blinds in my room is getting more increasingly important. 

After reading a quote about forgiveness a couple weeks back it's certainly got me thinking and asking myself some important questions.

"Forgiveness is NOT something we do for other people.

We do it for ourselves, to get better and to move on."

As time goes on I’ve given myself permission to entertain this idea of forgiving people who have hurt and somewhat changed the person I am today. Forgiving doesn’t mean that I won’t recognize and hold you accountable for the wrong things you may have done but more or less forgiveness is about and for me, myself and I. 

-J-

The Move

I’m well aware this is an overdue post as a couple people have been reminding me.  I’ve been making some mental notes of things I want to write about over this past week but I just haven’t found the time to sit down and hammer it out, SO I hope I can capture and remember everything I want to talk about. It’s hard for me to write and focus on something when stuff has hit the fan (literally), it feels like I should be doing anything BUT writing.

So the BIG move day has come and gone and I’m now starting to get nestled into condo life. It’s quite difficult I might add, exciting, but difficult and I’ll touch on the difficulties a little later.  I’m going to break the week up into the following:

Key Day (Wednesday)…
The night before I got my keys I went to Starbucks in a writing mood to capture the excitement and all the emotions bottled up into what the next day (Sept. 14^th) meant to me and how significant it was but when I tried to write nothing would come out so I didn’t force it.  The move spanned over 4 days and that was strategically done to slowly phase in the new life and phase out the old and I think it worked quite well. Too much at once overwhelms me and I get frustrated and emotional breakdowns are more prominent. More than ever what this move and transition into my new life has shown me is how fortunate I am for friends. I’m so thankful for all those who came together to pitch in where they could and help me move in. Although the day I got my keys wasn’t exactly what I hoped, it ended up being perfect. After a last minute change of plans I ended up sharing the day with a friend and his red pick-up truck. He’s exactly what I needed for the day. I needed a friendly face, someone who didn’t mind doing a little work and someone that could help me keep the stress low. We got a great head start on moving stuff from storage into the new pad which made me feel like I utilized the day appropriately especially since I had the time off for this big event. At the end of the day when I was reflecting what I realized was that he has an amazing way about him  that puts me at ease so naturally without even  trying and without me even realizing. He inspires me. He’s passionate about lots including striving to become the man he wants and that moves me. I could write a whole post on how me inspires me but I’ll save it for another time.

Thursday…
Furniture came and the stress goes through the roof. It’s not at all the way I pictured it would be in my head. The living room area is much smaller than I anticipated during the summer when I was picking out the couch. Note to self, NEVER pick out furniture before you see the space in person.  I was worried that my space wasn’t ever going to be the way I hoped and envisioned. This was also the first night that I slept in my new bed in my new place and it was certainly weird to say the least. It didn’t feel right; in fact it still doesn’t quite feel right. It doesn’t feel like my home yet, I’m sure it will come as I make it more personalized as my space and make my own memories here.  What I will say is that it’s nice to have a lot of new things and furniture in a new place as it really does feel fresher when everything is new. Tomorrow the smaller version of my new couch comes and I’m looking forward to getting the living room situation straightened out, its starting to get under my skin a little not seeing it come together fast enough for my liking. I have little patience; this is and will likely be a character flaw of mine that I will have to work on for the rest of my existence. I have patience with other people more than I do myself and then my lack of patience ends up coming out on the closest people around me which is not a good thing, but the good part is that I’m aware. Aware of my short comings and areas in which I can improve myself and this is the important part.

Friday...
Friday was about unpacking and trying to find places for things which I will add is still in the works and will be for a while as condo life is much smaller than normal life and I can see simplifying and condensing is in the NEAR future. Less things, more life is the motto I hope to live by. I really don’t need over 15 bath towels. What is really strange about unpacking for me is that as I unpack a box it has things that were new to me at some point when I lived in my old house. It’s a picture that use to hang in the old living room which sparks a specific thought or memory. As much as I try to hide and run from the past it always finds a way to knock me on my ass from time to time. I guess that’s why I like new things so much, it doesn’t come with the baggage and it’s completely neutral.

Saturday…
Saturday we finished moving the remaining boxes from storage. For the most part all my belongings are now under this new roof. Saturday was a very productive day. Things got hung, new lights got put up, TV’s got plugged in and things got put in cupboards. Progress makes me happy and keeps momentum for me which also keeps me in a positive mindset and mood. Big check mark for this day.

Sunday…
Was low key, I did the first grocery shop. I’m happy to report only cost me $67, but mostly because I only got the staples to get me through the week. It feels good to buy real food and have real food in your fridge. I can’t wait to cook my first meal when I get my new pots and pans from my mom this Saturday. The first real meal will definitely call for a bottle of wine, as I’m quite looking forward to.  As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I miss cooking and miss cooking for more than just myself. I wonder who will be my first dinner guest? I think I should start taking reservations!

That brings me to today, Monday…
A couple more things got accomplished tonight and that’s about it. Relaxing in bed while writing this and it feels good.

-J-

September, Reminiscing and Balance.

As I write this I’m sitting in Starbucks in my normal seat where I’ve actually wrote a good 90% of all my blog posts to date.  I quite enjoy it here.  It’s a place to write and surf while watching interesting characters come and go. For some reason I feel like I can get more accomplished while sitting in public which I actually didn’t realize this about myself until recently. I think Starbucks might be my compromise between being secluded while having alone time and feeling like I’m somewhat interacting in public. I normally bring my earphones and listen to my music, but for some reason I forgot them today which sort of forces me to eavesdrop on others’ conversations around me. I got two eyes on my screen and one ear listening to a convo on my right that two young 20 something year old girls are having about planning a wedding and on my left is a couple talking about the first day back to work and school, I’m gonna assume she’s a teacher. People’s lives are interesting to me. How diverse they are. How unique everyone really is yet were sitting under the same roof.  

The Labour Day long weekend has come and gone, and today is the first day of school for many and I’m actually quite jealous. Not jealous of the homework, sitting in class bored out of your skull or waking up early but more or less jealous of how this day for many marks the start of so many new things and fresh starts.  Back to school also means its September. Oh how I love September and the season of fall. The crisper weather is here and that was surely evident this past weekend and today.  I think I even spotted some sprinkles of fall colours on the trees. Don’t get me wrong I love the summer weather, sundresses, flip flops, driving with the windows down, no jackets, the cottage and the lists goes on and on…but there’s something about September and fall that gets me excited. Yes, it signifies the end of summer and that’s kinda sad, but for me it also feels like the start of a ‘New Year’ as well (even when you aren’t a student).

For me September has always been the feeling of starting fresh, very similar to New Years. Even though it has been 6 years since I’ve been out of school I still get sucked into these back to school promotions and I have this urge to have new things and to buy new things. I was the kid who would take pride in sharpening every new pencil crayon just so and arranging them perfectly in the new pencil case. Scoping out the new back-pack and all its compartments and planning where things were going to go inside and deciding which compartment was for what.  I was also the kid that started off the school year by making a promise to take neat notes, starting off the year with the best handwriting and then by the end of the month it was usually sloppy again. New notebooks and pads of paper were the best thing about new school supplies. Still to this day the smell of new books, magazines and paper in general reminds me of September.

September is also the Birthday month and I’m turning the big 2-7 which blows my mind. I have a brother who is going into his last year of high school which I really can’t process quite yet as it makes me feel old but also because I remember my last  year of high school like it was honest to God yesterday. The hype of college choices, the hype of deciding what you want to do with the rest of your life and the excitement of being at the top of the school food chain. Oh how I miss the drama of high school! Looking back I find it funny the kinds of things that use to consume your life when you’re a teen only to find out years later it really isn’t a big deal that some girl hooked up with your high school crush over the summer.  If I only knew that these trivial things would virtually have zero impact on REAL life that starts once you leave the microcosm of high school.  Side note, I’ve just realized that all my crushes over the years, including boyfriends for the most part have worn glasses – for some reason I find that interesting, I wonder what that means?!

This past week I got my first paid photography job. It’s just family portraits and I’m not charging very much but I’m excited that someone thinks my work is worth paying for. This really excites me and feeds the motivation. This past week I’ve even started to think about what it is I’m going to call this photography business . I have a few ideas bouncing around but nothing is really standing out to me. I’m sure it will come, but the significant thing is I’m starting to think about the steps involved in starting this little dream of mine and making it happen.

What has come to light for me this past week is this clever thing called BALANCE. The balance of living life while sifting through your dreams and deciding which ones you want to take seriously right now and which ones can afford to be shelved until the time is right. Balancing friendships and relationships of all kinds and balancing the social life while keeping time for yourself to stay grounded.

Balance

I think that’s all I got for now, but I do want to make note that the big day is 8 sleeps away. 8 sleeps until I get my keys to the new place. How will I capture that feeling of turning the key for the first time? I hope I can find time in the chaos of moving to reflect on the moment. I’ve always been worried about moments slipping by me and not remembering every important detail and truly appreciating the moment. I hope I can also find time to write here and capture the memories and feelings when they are fresh and vivid.

-J-

Love at First Sight & the Things I Can't Wait For

So I wanted to write a post last night after I saw the new place yesterday, but I was hung over (not literally) and exhausted. I could barley form a sentence by the end of the night. Adrenaline was so high for most of the day that I actually thought I was going to be sick on the drive over to meet the new place. When I finally came down, off the high and adrenaline settled down I felt like a hung over rag doll.

Let me introduce you to her…

She was born yesterday with all her fingers and toes. She’s quite tiny and Mama can’t have her quite yet (she’s still at the hospital having some minor work done). She is on the small side, just like a preemie baby. Good things can come in small packages. She’s truly beautiful in my eyes and purdy! And it makes me really upset when people say negative things about her. She sparkles and shines and the new smell is SO amazing. I miss that new house smell so so much.

When I opened the door and walked in, my eyes lit up, I gasped and then let out a squeal. She looked amazing. To see all the things you picked out, the colours and materials all come together. It was quite the reveal. I love her.

Side note, someone asked me why the new place is a “she” and not a “he”. My answer is simple, SHE is WAY too pretty to be male. Yes, the colours aren’t really “she” colours, but she sparkles and shimmers (especially the back splash) just like a girl. Also, she isn’t a fixer up’er…and let’s face it, most boys/men need some work. Right ladies? And because she is new, that means she doesn’t come with a whole lot of baggage the way boys so often do. SO that’s why it’s a girl! Can you say sexist?

It took me forever to leave the new place yesterday. Even after the inspector left I pretended to leave with him, then got back out of the car and went back in to take it all in again (and take a video). This is my own history in the making and it feels amazing. I feel like an 18 year old going off to college to live on her own for the first time, in her own place. Although I’ve been living independently since I was 16, this is the first time I will believing completely on MY OWN. No family, no boys and no friends. Just me, myself and I. Most people have experienced living on their own by now, but I have not, which is why I think this makes it so much more important and different for me.

Some of the things I can’t wait for in the new place…(In no particular order)

- to celebrate my birthday
- to have visitors that I can buzz in the front door
- to see my new furniture selections be delivered and installed
- to have friends over
- to COOK meals again, for myself and for others
- to have a bath in my new tub
- to do the first grocery shop and fill a brand new fridge
- to sit on my covered porch and watch a storm
- to snuggle on my porch / to snuggle on my new couch / to snuggle in my new Queenie
- to get my first bunch of flyers
- to do the first batch of dishes and laundry in the new facilities
- to have my open house
- to eventually “break in “all the new things about my place
- to experience Christmas and the decorations in my new place
- to organize and find places and homes for everything
- to have many many more reasons to make trips to IKEA
- to see kitty and bring her home to Mama’s house and watch her explore her new home
- to meet my neighbours... maybe there will be some eye candy? Maybe we can all leave our doors open like they do in college dorms? Maybe? ;)
- to paint and put things on the walls
- to get into some sort of a routine again
- to say “welcome to MY home" to the new visitors that will stop by
... there’s lots more, but mostly to live and just be!

You would think that after almost 27 years you would know yourself, but the truth is I think I'm still discovering so much about this Jessica person. My biggest discovery in the past couple weeks has been finding out that maybe I'm not a good multi-tasker after all? Maybe once in a while I can be, but I think it's a rare occasion. I figured out that when I'm in a store and I'm texting I stop dead in my tracks as I can't seem to figure out how to text something and walk at the same time, or even read a text and walk at the same time. I’ve now realized I'm very much a one project or one vision type of person. Once one major thing is done and complete then another can begin. It’s a bit of tunnel vision. I like to be focused on one thing at a time and let it consume me, live it, breath it and own it. Whenever I feel like it’s done and complete that's when I can put focus elsewhere and start something new. With the move so close, I'm really excited to move my focus elsewhere and let the next chapter begin.

Getting the keys on September 14th will be a feeling I hope I can remember forever. Now that I have this blog I can document it and look back, and that makes me smile.

Excited Doodle From My Agenda

-J-