Projects, Canons & Whispers

I’ve been stuck for a few weeks now, feeling a little bit uninspired about things to write about. It’s not that things haven’t happened or I haven’t wanted to write it, it’s that I’ve been keeping myself busy with projects. What I’ve known about myself for a while, but am realizing more and more is that projects are my outlet.  Projects are my escape from reality for a while and a place where I can go to create and focus my energies. It’s also my way of procrastinating. It’s funny when I have a project how all of a sudden its not so important to get my laundry done lol.  I’m naturally a scatter brain, can’t focus on much but for some reason when you put a camera in my hand, or a blender, or an empty box to turn into a treasure for someone, I naturally give everything and temporarily loose myself. Although on the outside I’m sure it looks like I like to take a lot of pictures of myself, the truth is what I REALLY enjoy the most is creating things for other people. To see their face at the reveal of whatever it is I’ve made OR to put a smile on someone’s face. I think that’s one of the reasons I would love to be a photographer by trade, is to be creative, have projects, create art for other people that makes others happy.  I actually feel kinda lost when I don’t have that outlet or haven’t created or made anything in a while.

Although lots of mini projects are getting done, at the moment I’m sad about a few things. I’m mostly sad because I made a promise to myself in the summer that I will buy my first SLR professional camera by the end of the calendar year and before 2012 hits. I really don’t think I’m going to be able to scrounge together the change. L*big sad face* It breaks my little photographic heart to pieces but I just don’t know what else to do. I’m just not sure I’m willing to go into debt; I would like to try my best to save for it.

The fall season is crazy, everywhere I drive I see pictures in my head and art I want to capture. it’s the dull colours, the way the light hits field on my drive home from work, and all those fuffy things in the ditches everywhere. Fall certainly has the most amazing textures and certainly makes me wish I had my Canon right now. The time that I could waste just shooting bare trees and fluffy things in the ditch. Maybe they’ll be some boxing week sales on Canons? Here's to hoping.

November is and will likely be a VERY emotionally rough month. I wish some days and dates would vanish from your memory forever. I’d love to make new happy memories for November some day, but for now I hope it goes by fast.  There are too many reasons why I hate November that I will try not to dwell on.

I’ve been watching a lot of O.W.N. (Oprah Winfrey Network) and her new show. Oprah was talking about your inner voice and paying attention in your life. Something really resonated with me. It’s so true, life speaks to you in a whisper first. How many times have we felt that gut feeling and ignored it or suppressed it deeper inside? Everyone does it all the time, from small things like "maybe I shouldn't speed up to run that yellow light", to relationships and cutting toxic people out of your life before it’s too late and something drastic happens.  I, like many people, have been guilty of ignoring that whisper at first. The problem when you ignore that whisper is that time will pass and then the next time the whisper turns into slap upside the head, the warning gets stronger. We ignore the slap and eventually the slap turns into a brick being dropped on your head. Sometimes, depending on what it is, you can’t afford to ignore the whispers, slaps and bricks just to say “hind sight is 20/20”. Oprah describes it as vibrational frequencies coming at you. It’s ultimately up to you to listen and trust them as warning signs. It’s your own internal security system trying to warn and protect you.

That’s what’s kinda funny about humans. We often give others the benefit of the doubt before ourselves.  If we listen to those whispers, inner instinct and trust ourselves we can possibly save ourselves a lot of grief down the road. It’s our job to pay attention in our own life. No one else’s.

I truly feel like if you don’t have time or money to go to a therapist you should watch Oprah, she really does have some amazing life coping skills that can apply to everyone’s life in some form or another. 

I'm going to end this post with a fall photo I took today on a drive out and about. Hopefully I can catch some more before the snow hits.

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<3 Fall.

-J-